So I am incredibly determined to loose my baby belly. I’m that determined I’ve started doing 2000 sit ups a day. I started at 1000 but now I’ve moved up to 2000.
I mean I have always had an unhealthy relationship with my body since I was around 12. I mean I starved myself for years. I either didn’t eat or if I did eat I used to make myself sick.
I am so determined to loose this baby weight and baby belly I will do whatever it takes and I mean whatever it takes.
I’m trying to do it in a healthier way than starving myself, because I don’t have that option as I’m watched like 99% of the time! Especially around food. So people see me eat but I now just burn it off without people really noticing.
I know I need help before milly grows up because I really don’t want her to go through these problems with her body or food.
The problem is I have body dysmorphia so no matter how hard I workout or how much weight I loose or how many times people say you’ve lost weight. I just don’t see it.
When I look in the mirror I just see a big fat ugly lump. It dosen’t matter that I now fit into my pre pregnancy size 10 shorts and Jeans. I still feel that is not good enough. I need to loose more weight and get smaller.
The only problem is I will never ever be happy with what the number is on the scales or what size clothes I wear I will always want to be lighter and thinner.
I hate my photo being taken especially by other people because it’s like looking in a mirror and seeing what and who you don’t want to see. I hate it. I hate myself. I hate everything about the way I look. I would honestly change everything if I could. I am fed up of looking the way I do.
Thanks for reading